U.S.—A new study has found a connection between checking the news headlines and aching for that day when Jesus will return to make all things new. The study found that Christians who read the news suddenly find within themselves a deep desire for another world, one where there is no sorrow or tears or pain and the former things have passed away. "Whenever believers look at the news, it seems like there's some kind of awakening that happens within them," said Peter Vandelay, the head researcher who ran the study. "When they see the death, fear, horror, and terror that have an iron grip on this fallen world, they're suddenly reminded to pray that Jesus would come quickly in order to establish his Kingdom on earth." The study also found that even non-believers have this desire to one day see all things made new, though they need their Christian friends and neighbors to actually talk to them to explain why they have a desire for another world for which they are made. At publishing time, believers all across the world had joined in praying that Jesus would come soon to judge the wicked and make everything sad come untrue.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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