WASHINGTON, D.C.—A new craze is sweeping the internet, the milk crate challenge, in which milk crates are stacked as stairs, and someone attempts to climb them without falling over and being seriously injured. Reportedly, Vice President Kamala Harris keeps talking to President Joe Biden about how cool the challenge is.
“So I heard about this really cool thing,” Harris told Biden recently. “Actually, sorry, it’s more of an idea for a popular president, like Obama.”
“What?” Biden responded. “Tell me what it is, and I’ll do it immediately!”
So Harris explained to Biden what the milk crate challenge is. “Isn’t that dangerous?” Biden asked.
“Are you chicken?” Harris asked, flapping her arms and making noises in imitation of a chicken.
“I’m not chicken!” Biden yelled. “I stood up to Corn Pop! I ride trains! But where are we going to find a bunch of milk crates?”
“I brought a bunch and already set them up over this hard, unforgiving pavement,” Harris said.
But as Biden began to step onto the rickety structure, White House staff rushed out to stop him. “No! Your feeble old person bones!” they yelled.
With the milk crate challenge foiled, Harris was last seen leaving colorful Tide Pods near where Biden usually eats.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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