TEXAS—Border Patrol workers in Texas are used to monitoring the state's southern border, which it shares with Mexico. But now, they are stretched thin as they are having to monitor the other borders for hordes of unborn babies coming to Texas to seek asylum from their states' more liberal abortion laws.
Massive caravans of unborn babies began migrating toward Texas after learning the state had banned most abortions. Jumping out of their mothers' wombs and piling into cargo vans and busses, the unborn babies flocked to the state in hopes that they won't be killed by their mothers.
"Yeah, I finally decided it was time to seek a better life for me and my future family," said Aiden Ryder, -1 month old, as he got behind the wheel of a Ford 15-passenger van packed with other babies. "I'm in New York, so really, my chances of dying are much higher than a convicted sex offender or murderer. It's worth the dangerous trek through the country to try to save my life."
Texas is accepting the refugees but Border Patrol says it will take some time to process them. And Texas Democrats are now threatening to fly to Washington, D.C. or some tropical vacation locale to protest the immigrants being let into the state. Texas Republicans are delighted by this offer.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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