SHANKSVILLE, PA—In a stirring speech at the Flight 93 Memorial yesterday, some guy who started two wars called for more civility.
"Yes, I may have started two foreign wars on false pretenses that wasted trillions of dollars and killed hundreds of thousands of innocent people," said the guy whose name we can't remember at the moment. "However, it's important to understand the real threats to our great nation are the people who took selfies in the Capitol building a few months ago. Those Trump supporters are children of the same foul spirit as Al Qaeda and they must be brought to justice."
The Trump supporters, who had sent sons and daughters to fight and die in this guy's war for 20 years in exchange for being insulted, mistreated, pushed from their manufacturing jobs, and called racist, responded to the speech in a very frightening and uncivil way by saying "Boooooooo."
Thanks to the sweeping and intrusive Patriot Act surveillance measures enacted by the Texas-sounding guy on stage, the evil uncivil hecklers were discovered and quickly detained by the FBI and thrown in prison awaiting trial in 2-10 years.
President Biden was reportedly so inspired by the speech that he ordered another drone strike of foreign aid workers in Afghanistan.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
