SACRAMENTO, CA—The nation is cheering this morning after Gavin Newsom defeated a recall election, ensuring that the Democrat Newsom fans who live there will stay put.
"We were getting ready to escape the state if a black man had been elected governor," said one local insane Communist Democrat Newsom fan while taking his morning poop on the sidewalk. "But now that our favorite progressive governor is safe, we know we can stay!"
Experts are warning that some Democrats may still leave the state in spite of having a progressive governor, in search of things like food, water, electricity, shelter, and jobs. Several states are preparing for the potential onslaught of California refugees by building tall border walls to keep escaping Democrats out.
Still, many believe that keeping Gavin Newsom as governor will result in many Democrats staying in California where they belong.
"This is sad news for California, but wonderful news for the rest of us!" said Texas Governor Greg Abbot. "Stay put in California, Libs! Say 'hi' to Newsom for me! Yee Haw!"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
