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Nation Cheers As Democrats Will Remain In California

SACRAMENTO, CA—The nation is cheering this morning after Gavin Newsom defeated a recall election, ensuring that the Democrat Newsom fans who live there will stay put.

"We were getting ready to escape the state if a black man had been elected governor," said one local insane Communist Democrat Newsom fan while taking his morning poop on the sidewalk. "But now that our favorite progressive governor is safe, we know we can stay!"

Experts are warning that some Democrats may still leave the state in spite of having a progressive governor, in search of things like food, water, electricity, shelter, and jobs. Several states are preparing for the potential onslaught of California refugees by building tall border walls to keep escaping Democrats out.

Still, many believe that keeping Gavin Newsom as governor will result in many Democrats staying in California where they belong.

"This is sad news for California, but wonderful news for the rest of us!" said Texas Governor Greg Abbot. "Stay put in California, Libs! Say 'hi' to Newsom for me! Yee Haw!"

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

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Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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