NEW YORK CITY, PANEM—Smiling migrant children poured out of buses at the entrance to the Met Gala, grateful to be free of overcrowded border detention facilities, and excited to experience the freedom in America promised by President Joseph Coriolanus Biden.
They were quickly corralled into a ballroom filled with members of the elite class who were dressed in beautiful draperies and gorgeous patio furniture covers, and who gazed upon the children with a hunger that looked sort of different than regular hunger.
Holding a diamond-encrusted, baby penguin down feather handkerchief up to her face, elite rich person Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez gasped in horror after realizing there was no fence between the possibly unvaccinated children and her elegant white gown with a red “Save The Migrant Children” message scrawled down its back. In a panic, she ran to the safety of her Tesla.
Calming other uncomfortable celebrities and wealthy elites, Oprah Winfrey, ruling class representative and close friend to Harvey Weinstein, welcomed the migrant children to the gala and thanked them for volunteering as tribute for the first annual Hunger Games Tournament. Turning to her fellow elites, Oprah began pointing and shouting, “You get a tribute! You get a tribute!”
The migrant children were then led to preparation rooms to be safely vaccinated before fighting to the death under the entertained gaze of the gracious and noble Hollywood elites.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."