NEW YORK, NY—Beloved president and celebrity Donald Trump left Met Gala speechless this year when he showed up in a flowing white dress emblazoned with the phrase 'Rigged Election!'
"It's a beautiful, bold, brave statement," said fashion writer Vandross Tixatron, who was wearing an $82,000 garbage bag plucked from a landfill in Zimbabwe. "It's even braver when you consider the fact Trump wasn't even invited and he's being chased down by security now. What a statement!"
Other stunning attendees to the gala included:
Gavin Newsom in a dress made of discarded hobo tents
Bill Clinton, who wore a tux embroidered with the message "Believe All Women"
Buffalo Bill, a transgender hero in his latest skin-suit
Bill Cosby in a #MeToo dress
AOC, who wore a 'Tax The Rich' dress made by enslaved migrant children
Greta Thunberg, who wore a 'Save The Planet' dress made with clubbed baby seal skins
General Milley, who draped himself in the vibrant red flag of the Chinese Communist Party
In spite of the audacious and colorful characters at the Met Gala, Trump's dress and attendance were deemed inappropriate and he was tackled by two dozen security guards and dragged outside.
Trump has announced he will be organizing his own, way cooler Met Gala for REAL Americans this winter.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UKRAINE—As Russian troops assemble at Ukraine's border ahead of a possible land invasion, President Biden has taken swift action by deploying an elite seal team to evacuate his son Hunter's money.
"At my direction, military operatives infiltrated a bank to evacuate my son's stash of sweet, sweet Burisma cash before Russia murdered everyone. I didn't want to risk that money falling into the wrong hands," said Biden in a statement to congress. "Unfortunately, we haven't been able to evacuate Americans from the country because I put all our resources on this operation. But make no mistake, we will leave no dollar behind."
The four-man squad was dropped into ally territory by a Black Hawk helicopter outfitted for stealth missions. Once on the ground, they covertly asked for directions to the nearest bank and shared an Uber to make the 4-mile journey.
Bank security footage depicts the squad calmly entering the bank and asking for the manager. The squad then assembled in a tiny cubicle to ...
KIEV, UKRAINE—As Russian troops increased their threat to Ukraine’s sovereignty and independence, the Ukrainian military showed their tactical prowess by asking Kyle Rittenhouse to come and guard their border with Russia.
“Yo, Kyle, hope all is well. Hey listen, our citizens are under threat from Putin and his d-bag army,” texted Ukrainian Minister of Defense, Sergei Ukrainovich to America’s national hero, Kyle Rittenhouse. “Could u do us a solid and come guard our border? Bring ur AR-15 lol thx.”
While some praised the move as militarily brilliant as well as based, citing the fact that no military has the capacity to withstand the freedom-spewing courage of Mr. Rittenhouse, U.S. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin criticized the move, citing Kyle Rittenhouse’s status as a cis-white male, and reminding everyone that guarding Ukraine would require him to CROSS STATE LINES.
“President Biden is weighing the deployment of troops to Ukraine,” said Secretary Austin, ...
ATLANTA—A member of CNN's Misinformation Squad was found hiding under a desk in the basement after making a frightful call to the police. "The misinformation is coming from inside the building," whispered the terrified employee to an alarmed 911 dispatcher.
The employee, intern Jessie Furbank, was reportedly in tears as police escorted her out of the building, after which she allegedly asked for witness protection.
"I need a new identity, a new life—they're going to find me!" said Jessie, according to witnesses.
A transcript has been released by the Atlanta Police Department that reveals the harrowing moment.
Dispatch: This is 911, what is your emergency?
Furbank: You have to [unintelligible] help! I'm–
Dispatch: Calm down, please. Are you in danger?
Furbank: Yes! I work at CNN. I [heavy breathing] I was hired to track misinformation, but—
[unknown banging noises]
Dispatch: Ma'am, are you alright?
Furbank: Did you just assume my gen– never mind, you have to come get me!
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