WASHINGTON, D.C.—After hearing from his advisors that the Texas Republicans are exactly like the Taliban, President Biden immediately offered an unconditional surrender to them.
"Oh man, they're exactly like the Taliban? I surrender!" a frightened Biden said after one of his cabinet members quipped that the "backward" Republicans in Texas are "just like the Taliban." "I will give them whatever they want. Weapons? They're theirs. Military vehicles and vessels? You got it, Jack. Pallets of cash? Whatever!"
"Whatever their demands are, fine. The country is now under the control of the Republicans of Texas. May God have mercy on us all."
Biden then held a somber press conference where he let the nation know that we have lost yet another war on his watch and that he wanted to be the first to welcome "our new Republican overlords."
Unfortunately, all the Texas Republicans really wanted was to be left alone and for Biden to stop killing babies, and that was one thing he wasn't willing to give up.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
