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Medical Schools Update Hippocratic Oath To Exclude The Unvaccinated

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Members of The Association of American Medical Colleges (AAMC) voted this week to make major changes to the Hippocratic Oath for the first time since the 1960’s. Specifically, the Oath for new doctors is being adjusted to exclude both the unborn and the unvaccinated.

“The changes we’re making to the Oath are long overdue,” said Dr. Sarah Butcher, a member of the AAMC ruling council. “The concept that physicians should attempt to do no harm to the unborn or the unvaccinated has no place in modern society.”

Butcher said the famous first line of the Oath will be updated to read, “I promise to do no harm unless it's killing a little unborn baby who's really not a person yet. Also, since anyone who refused the vaccine is basically asking to die of COVID, I will let them suffer and die a horrifying death to set an example for others.”

Several other changes are also being made to the Oath, including the following new sections:

A vow to wear a mask at all times, even while showering and sleeping, to prevent any possibility of spreading infection to others.

A promise to provide preferential treatment to BIPOC and LGBTQ populations whenever possible while ensuring that white male oppressors get sent to the back of the line.

Swearing to always follow the latest science, as defined by whatever new study CNN is reporting that day.
In addition to the changes in the Oath, the AAMC also announced updates to the educational requirements required for new doctors. “The requirements for licensure have changed slightly,” Butcher said. “We now require licensed doctors to either have a traditional four-year medical school degree or at least 1,000 hours of experience surfing WebMd.”

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https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

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https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

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https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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