The Babylon Bee
Comedy • News • Culture
Fake news you can trust.
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
Oh No! Girl James Bond Is Foiled When Villain Places Details Of His Evil Plans In Pickle Jar

VOLCANO LAIR—Finally, in a triumph of feminism, we have a girl James Bond, Jane Bond, to prove that women are just as capable as, and maybe even more capable than, men. Her first adventure was going well, with Jane Bond sneaking through the villain Silverfoot’s lair, but when she found where Silverfoot kept his evil plans, disaster struck: The plans were sealed inside a pickle jar.

Jane Bond struggled to open the jar to retrieve the plans for ten minutes, finally giving up so she could instead find the temperature controls for the hollowed-out volcano, as she was feeling cold. She shrieked when she saw a spider, though, and was quickly captured.

“So, Silverfoot, do you expect me to talk?” asked Jane Bond while she was strapped to a table with a laser inching toward her to cut her in two.

“No, you’re always talking,” Silverfoot replied. “I just want you to shut up for once.”

“Too bad! We’re talking!”

Jane Bond’s gambit of trying to talk about her relationship with the supervillain worked, causing Silverfoot to flee the room and giving her an opportunity to escape. She caused millions of pounds in property damage, though, in the ensuing car chase, most of it at the very end when she tried to parallel park her Aston Martin.

It was a rough first outing, and she was happy to end it with an appletini (shaken, not stirred).

post photo preview
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
What else you may like…
Videos
Posts
🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
February 19, 2025

Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

Available on mobile and TV devices
google store google store app store app store
google store google store app tv store app tv store amazon store amazon store roku store roku store
Powered by Locals