TEXAS—Joe Biden has come under scrutiny for the border crisis, but he's risen to the occasion. Biden arrived at the Mexican border at long last today to address the massive influx of refugees and migrant caravans coming up from various South American countries and Caribbean islands like Haiti.
But rather than backing up the Border Patrol or calling for greater border security, Biden simply raised his hands to the heavens. "Rio Grande... part!" he shouted in a loud voice. The waters of the Rio Grande then parted as his father below responded to his prayer, and millions of immigrants came passing through.
Biden said he was touched by the sight and that it reminded him of a similar miracle he'd witnessed firsthand during the exodus of the Jews from Egypt (because he is old).
The migrants flooded into the United States, wave after wave coming rushing through thanks to the miraculous intervention of Joe Biden. Once they had all gotten into the country, Biden commanded the walls of water on either side of the passage to come crashing down, drowning the Border Patrol agents on horses in hot pursuit with their whips and chariots.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
