WASHINGTON, D.C.—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took the fight to tax the wealthy to the streets today with the unveiling of her custom-made, $100,000 "Tax the Rich" Tesla.
The limited-edition, high-end electric car sports a custom "Tax the Rich" decal designed by a wealthy millionaire socialist. Ocasio-Cortez says she hopes it will make a "powerful statement" about wealth inequality in our society while she's driving around town or illegally parked in front of Whole Foods picking up $8 kombuchas. Only 500 of them will be released, as it's "very exclusive" and "only for people who are very, like, serious about taxing the rich and who can afford it. We don't want riffraff promoting this message, you know."
"We need to like, tax the rich, and, like, make sure they pay their fair share," AOC said to reporters as she unveiled the custom car in front of her posh D.C. apartment, complete with leather couches, expensive rugs, and even a garbage disposal. "When I'm driving through D.C. to my appointments with rich lobbyists and stuff, I'm totally going to just massively own the rich with this thing. They'll be like, 'Oh man, she's right! We should be taxed!' as I fly by them in the express lane."
After her team-up with Tesla to release the custom model, Ocasio-Cortez says she is working on a custom "Tax the Rich" Bentley, a "Tax the Rich" Gulfstream, and a private island terraformed to read "Tax the Rich."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
If you value The Babylon Bee and want to bypass the fact checkers who seek to have us deplatformed, please consider becoming a supporter so you can enjoy fake news you can trust.