WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an impassioned speech on the House floor, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez argued that we should not fund an Iron Dome because of its impracticality.
"An iron dome would be completely impractical," she said, banging on her lectern like Mussolini and tearing up a little bit. "How would the sun get through? How, I ask you?! How would the sun be able to pierce through this oppressive dome of iron?"
"How would the plants grow? Dictionary.com clearly states that plants need sun to live," she said, reading off her iPhone. Ocasio-Cortez also passionately argued that technically the "Iron Dome" is "not ironic" because "ironic has nothing to do with iron, I have recently learned."
She also pointed out that in order to mine all the iron ore we would need for a country-sized iron dome, we would have to go into many dungeons and spend a long time swinging our pickaxes. "Is it worth endangering the lives of the working-class—sending them to certain death against spiders, creepers, and zombies—just to fund this ridiculous vanity project? I think not."
At publishing time, Ocasio-Cortez had reversed her stance after learning the dome would only be blocking the sun for the Jews.
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