U.S.—COVID's approval rating has skyrocketed after briefly interrupting The View this week with a positive test scare. According to a Gallup poll, 96% of Americans now approve of COVID, up from just 2% before The View broadcast was interrupted with two of the hosts testing positive for the virus. "You know, this COVID thing isn't so bad," said one man in the waiting room at his doctor's office as he watched the show get stopped in its tracks by the virus. He coughed into his hand. "I actually think I have it right now—but to be honest, it's worth it if it even briefly stops them thar ladies from yappin'." COVID has said that it's satisfied with its work, though it was disappointed in itself for not getting the other two hosts as well and not stopping the show for longer. "I'm no hero—I'm just doing what any respiratory disease in my shoes would do," COVID said in an interview Friday. "I know any one of you other diseases would do the same for me."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
