U.S.—COVID's approval rating has skyrocketed after briefly interrupting The View this week with a positive test scare. According to a Gallup poll, 96% of Americans now approve of COVID, up from just 2% before The View broadcast was interrupted with two of the hosts testing positive for the virus. "You know, this COVID thing isn't so bad," said one man in the waiting room at his doctor's office as he watched the show get stopped in its tracks by the virus. He coughed into his hand. "I actually think I have it right now—but to be honest, it's worth it if it even briefly stops them thar ladies from yappin'." COVID has said that it's satisfied with its work, though it was disappointed in itself for not getting the other two hosts as well and not stopping the show for longer. "I'm no hero—I'm just doing what any respiratory disease in my shoes would do," COVID said in an interview Friday. "I know any one of you other diseases would do the same for me."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
