SOUTHERN BORDER—The situation at the southern border is out of control, and it’s no more Mister Nice Guy for President Biden. He’s taking his harshest measures yet, suspending the program to hand out gift baskets to everyone who illegally crosses the border.
“Cheeses, crackers, a bottle of locally made wine...” Biden told the press. “If you think you can illegally cross our border and get all of that, well, that’s no longer true.”
This cruel measure has made Biden unpopular with left-wing activists. “It’s inhumane,” said Monica Ballard, a liberal pundit. “If we stop giving people delightful gift baskets, they’ll begin to think we don’t want them to illegally cross our border.”
Critics on the right, though, don’t think Biden has gone far enough. “You have to stop giving them that coupon book, too,” said an angry, racist redneck. “That coupon book is full of valuable savings — they don’t deserve that for illegally crossing our border! And stop giving them all voter registration cards; there’s something suspicious about that.”
With the program at the southern border ended, Biden is instead sending all the gift baskets they already had to the Taliban.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
