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Governor Newsom Unveils Plan To Get Millions Of Californians To Switch To Homeschooling

SACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Newsom announced a groundbreaking, innovative new plan to get millions of Californian families to switch to homeschooling last week.

"Our public schools are failing, and this ought to help families find much better education options elsewhere," he said during a press conference as aides attended to his gel-soaked head. "I was trying to think of ways to get more Californians to homeschool, as it's just, like, way better in terms of educational outcomes than our terrible public schools. And then it hit me: mandate healthcare people don't want, especially black people, and then presto! They'll just switch to homeschooling. It's the perfect plan!"

The move will also help ease the burden on California's public schools, reducing class sizes and providing much-needed relief to overworked teachers, who have also praised Newsom's plan to kick kids out of school.

"Homeschool! Homeschool! Homeschool!" Newsom shouted at the conclusion of the press conference, trying to get a chant going.

At publishing time, sources had confirmed the move would also send millions fleeing for other states, helping ease the stress on California's power grid and water supply.

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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

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https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

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https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

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Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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