Joe Biden's approval rating is not good. Sad! Not good!
Here are seventeen things with higher approval ratings than Joe Biden:
1. Candy corn - Even these tasteless cones of wax fare better in the polls than Sleepy Joe.
2. Prostate exams - Uncomfortable but at least they don't last four years.
3. The restrooms at Walmart - Unsanitary but they've never tried to sniff our hair.
4. The decision to cancel Firefly - Next time Joe Biden wants to stab us in the back, he should have the guts to do it to our face.
5. DMV employees - Hey, at least they know where they are.
6. Pearl Harbor, the Ben Affleck movie - We don't know how this one beat Joe but it did.
7. The actual attack on Pearl Harbor - At least it eventually led to the fall of Hitler.
8. Andrew Cuomo's steamy new romance novel - Yeesh. Biden's numbers must be awful.
9. The guy in your neighborhood who hands out toothbrushes on Halloween - Everyone has that guy. But hey, he's not trying to ruin your life.
10. Long John Silver's - Something's fishy about this place but at least you can just avoid it.
11. Todd - Good one, Todd!
12. Gas station sushi - Will only make you sick one time and you'll have a great story to tell.
13. Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina candle - We don't know why she sells these but some people like them, we guess.
14. Alex Rodriguez's vagina candle - We don't know why he sells these but some people like them, we guess.
15. Installing a car seat - On a 120-degree day in Phoenix.
16. Wuhan's world-famous bat soup - The taste isn't so bad, it's the consistency.
17. The one true President Donald Trump - USA! USA! USA!
What do you like better than Joe Biden? Let us know in the comment section.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—As Biden prepares to nominate a woman of color to the Supreme Court, he took the time to remind the country that black Justices can be just as smart as rich ones.
"Listen, folks, black Justices can be just as smart, articulate, and clean as the rich ones," said Biden to reporters. "Just because they mostly stock the spaghetti sauce on the shelves in the ladies department of the department store and hang out with bad dudes like Corn Pop doesn't mean they can be judges too! Come on folks! This ain't complicated! If I haven't nominated you for SCOTUS, then you ain't black!"
Biden went on to say that he will choose a SCOTUS Justice based on qualifications, as long as those qualifications belong to someone with very dark skin and a female body.
"Mixed race judges don't qualify," said Biden, insisting they "aren't black enough."
It is so far unclear whether Biden will also nominate black men who identify as women, or whether he knows what a SCOTUS Justice is or even ...
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Beloved Hollywood starlet Peter Dinklage pushed back against Disney’s live-action remake of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, but his efforts seem to have come up short.
“I feel cut off at the legs,” said the Game of Thrones star after hearing Disney’s low decision to keep dwarves in a movie about dwarves. “I expected at least a teeny-weeny concession from Disney; I feel overlooked.”
“Our attempts at inclusion were far from minuscule,” said Disney Chief Inclusion Officer, Lilly Putte. “We consulted with underrepresented communities through every teensy, minute detail, no matter how tiny. To hear Mr. Dinklage get on his soapbox and accuse us of a pint-sized effort, well it feels a wee bit stunted.”
Dinklage, who achieved stardom with a diminutive role in the movie “Elf,” as a man mistaken for an elf, admitted he feels in over his head a little when overshadowed by greedy movie executives.
His experience may be proof that universal inclusion in ...
PORTLAND, OR—Local atheist Marcus Blaine has been wavering in his atheism recently, wondering why good things happen at all. Marcus has found himself asking why he has it so good in what should be a cold, meaningless world that doesn't care whether he suffers or not.
“How could there be no God if so many good things keep happening?” asked Marcus Blaine. “Oh, Science forgive me as I wrestle and doubt. Forgive me for seeing beauty and wonder in a world as if it were designed by a Creator!”
Sources say that Marcus often says that he’s just a random collection of atoms and chemical reactions—that he’s just ‘dancing to his DNA’—but recently he just can’t seem to shake the idea that there’s more to his existence.
“What if it’s all a lie? What if atheism is just made up to make people feel smart and have a false sense of superiority?” Marcus cried out. “I mean obviously we’re just here by random chance, with no benevolent Being watching over us. But then ...
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