U.S.—In a strange development, the national approval rating of people named Brandon has skyrocketed in recent weeks. The nation's approval of Brandons shot up from just 22% all the way to 91% over the last month.
"The data is clear: the country is crazy about Brandon," said one data analyst. "While people were just kind of 'meh' about people named Brandon just a few weeks ago, now, they can't get enough. People are fondly discussing Brandons, inviting Brandons to fun parties for cool people, and chanting his name at sports games. The Brandon craze is really sweeping the country."
"Ah, Brandon," he added. "What a swell guy!"
Brandons are now out-polling Steves, Bobs, Gregs, and Garys. Brandons are even out-polling Kyles, according to some surveys, which is unprecedented, as typically everyone likes Kyles.
There also appears to be a correlation between the approval rating of the president and Brandons, with the former's rating dropping harder than an old man falling down some stairs and the latter's rating rising faster than the president jumping up to get some pudding.
Everybody still hates Todds.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."