U.S.—In a strange development, the national approval rating of people named Brandon has skyrocketed in recent weeks. The nation's approval of Brandons shot up from just 22% all the way to 91% over the last month.
"The data is clear: the country is crazy about Brandon," said one data analyst. "While people were just kind of 'meh' about people named Brandon just a few weeks ago, now, they can't get enough. People are fondly discussing Brandons, inviting Brandons to fun parties for cool people, and chanting his name at sports games. The Brandon craze is really sweeping the country."
"Ah, Brandon," he added. "What a swell guy!"
Brandons are now out-polling Steves, Bobs, Gregs, and Garys. Brandons are even out-polling Kyles, according to some surveys, which is unprecedented, as typically everyone likes Kyles.
There also appears to be a correlation between the approval rating of the president and Brandons, with the former's rating dropping harder than an old man falling down some stairs and the latter's rating rising faster than the president jumping up to get some pudding.
Everybody still hates Todds.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."