Too many games are getting woke these days. We always have to play as a female hero or else some 2SLBGTQIAA++ blah blah blah pansy. Whether it's Horizon Zero Dawn or Tomb Raider, leftists are always shoving their agenda down our throats. We miss the good ol' days when you were a MALE hero with muscles and a sword—strong, independent men like Zelda.
So it's with great relief that I booted up Metroid Dread and beheld the hero in the opening cinematic sequence: muscled, mysterious, macho. He's so manly he doesn't even show his face, simply remaining emotionless and stoic behind his hulking, tough-guy armor. He blasts robots and alien creatures with the cold, calculating intensity only men can muster. A woman would totally freak out in these situations or be unable to make up her mind. The male protagonist here also manages to park his spaceship without running into anything, another example of the benefits of having a man star in your video games.
The manly character gets cool upgrades throughout the gameplay, with a bigger, manlier cannon, the ability to climb walls, and an upgraded suit that lets him withstand the cold—another example of something a woman couldn't do.
It was a little weird that the computer voice kept calling our mysterious hero "Lady" right off the bat, but I assume that's just playful banter. I admit I didn't quite finish this game yet; I was too excited to finally play a game with a male role model front and center. Plus it was kinda hard. Either way, Dread is good enough that I'm excited to go back and play the rest of the games in the series. I assume our hero, apparently named Metroid, is just as macho and manly in each of those! How did I miss this all these years?
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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