WORLD—People around the world are inspired as scientists recently revealed that the immunity we've all been searching so hard for was inside of us all along.
"If you've already recovered from COVID, you have a natural immunity that is more effective and longer-lasting than Pfizer's vaccine," said one Israeli scientist. "As it turns out, the very thing we desired with all our hearts was right in front of us the whole time, and we didn't even know it. Actually, inside of us. It's called the immune system. We totally forgot that was a thing."
Experts now believe no one took the time to notice the inner strength contained in their immune systems, because it was dorky and shy and wearing glasses and had its hair in a bun. Then one day, it took off its glasses and let down its hair and everyone realized natural immunity was actually super hot.
"For so long, I've looked for strength and confidence in the arms of Pfizer and Moderna," said local COVID survivor Matt Frunkle, "but now I realize I have everything I need, right here inside me," he said, pointing in the general direction of his primary lymphoid organs. "I've never felt so powerful."
A spokesperson from Pfizer responded by saying "You'll regret saying no to us! If we can't have you, no one will!"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
