ARLINGTON, VA—Members of 18th Baptist Church in Arlington were treated to a very special message from Vice President Kamala Harris this past Sunday, reminding them to exercise their faith in an almighty, holy God by voting for Democrats. Unfortunately, the service was cut short by a shower of fire and brimstone from heaven.
"I want you to remember to vote for Democrats, just as Jesus would do," began Vice President Harris. "Wonderful Democrats like Terry McAuliffe want your kids to be forever trapped in government schools with free access to gender reassignment surgery and abortion, just like Jesus! HAHAHAHAHA! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!"
Kamala's charming, folksy appeal was sadly cut short as a massive chunk of flaming brimstone crashed through the ceiling and flattened the sound booth. Soon, fire and sulfur were raining down from a blackened sky, consuming everything in sight as churchgoers ran for cover.
The DNC has blamed the horrific fiery judgment on Republicans.
In related news, sources report First Baptist Church pastor Robert Jeffress was struck by lightning after playing a Sunday video message from Trump.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
