ARLINGTON, VA—Members of 18th Baptist Church in Arlington were treated to a very special message from Vice President Kamala Harris this past Sunday, reminding them to exercise their faith in an almighty, holy God by voting for Democrats. Unfortunately, the service was cut short by a shower of fire and brimstone from heaven.
"I want you to remember to vote for Democrats, just as Jesus would do," began Vice President Harris. "Wonderful Democrats like Terry McAuliffe want your kids to be forever trapped in government schools with free access to gender reassignment surgery and abortion, just like Jesus! HAHAHAHAHA! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!"
Kamala's charming, folksy appeal was sadly cut short as a massive chunk of flaming brimstone crashed through the ceiling and flattened the sound booth. Soon, fire and sulfur were raining down from a blackened sky, consuming everything in sight as churchgoers ran for cover.
The DNC has blamed the horrific fiery judgment on Republicans.
In related news, sources report First Baptist Church pastor Robert Jeffress was struck by lightning after playing a Sunday video message from Trump.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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As one of the few sane people in MA - THANK YOU - for that article about MA just now ie the entire state is declared incompetent! I sent you a one-time donation of $25 just for that. I tell them that all the time too. :)
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."