HILLSBORO, TX—Local sweet, loving wife Kaylee Davis loves to make her family's home a place of refuge for her husband and kids after their long days at work and school, respectively. She hangs signs reading "Live, Laugh, Love," lights lots of nice-smelling candles, and puts up approximately four hundred crosses on the walls.
It's a lovely place to be all year round—well, except October, when the mild-mannered Davis likes to turn the place into a demented land of Lovecraftian horrors, terrifying monstrosities, and eldritch beasts of unspeakable dreamscapes and nightmares. As soon as October 1 hits, down come the "All I Need Is A Little Bit Of Coffee And A Whole Lot Of Jesus" signs, to be replaced by decorations like giant spiders, gruesome ghouls, and those electronic terrors from Spirit Halloween that jump out and scare you every time you walk by.
"Come on guys, it's time to decorate for Halloween!" Davis said happily to her terrified husband and children as the home slowly transformed into a terrible landscape of non-Euclidean shapes, sounds from beyond the realm of human knowledge, and nameless terrors that lurked in every corner of the mansion of madness. "Honey, can you help me put up the headless girl on the swing? I like when it sways back and forth in the breeze at night!"
"Hey, has anyone seen our blood-soaked werewolf?"
At publishing time, Davis, who usually likes shows like The Great British Bake Off and Downton Abbey, had made popcorn and Halloween-themed bloody marys and asked her husband to come marathon the Friday the 13th series with her.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
