SAN FRANCISCO, CA—People just pooping willy-nilly on the sidewalk in San Francisco has been a long-time problem, and City Hall is finally taking action. Now they will require proof of vaccination before people can use the sidewalk as a restroom.
“We can’t believe the brazenness of some people,” said Mayor London Breed, “being out and about and defecating in broad daylight without proof of vaccination. Well, that’s changing. If you’re smearing feces on something and aren’t vaccinated, there is going to be trouble.”
Reactions from San Francisco citizens were largely positive. “Our city is run by escapees from an insane asylum,” said one man.
“That’s literally true,” said another. “They somehow broke out of an asylum for the criminally insane and took over city hall, and we don’t know what to do. Someone, please help us!”
There is now talk of requiring proof of vaccination before someone is allowed to shoplift from a Walgreens, though many city officials worry that would be too onerous.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
