CELTRIS III—Jean-Luc Picard has been removed from Twitter following his controversial "There are four lights!" tweet. The highly respected Captain of the USS Enterprise starship has reportedly been removed until he agrees to delete the tweet.
“Your comments have gone against our community guidelines,” Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey explained. “Now if you delete your tweet and simply admit that there are five lights your account will be reinstated.”
Despite the clear instructions and simple request from Twitter, Picard has refused to budge, continuing to insist that’s what he sees. “THERE…ARE…FOUR…LIGHTS!” shouted a beleaguered, weary Picard. “How can I help but see what is before my eyes?”
“Sometimes, Picard. Sometimes there are five. Sometimes men are women. Sometimes women are men,” replied Jack Dorsey. “You must try harder Captain, it is not easy becoming sane.”
Picard's actions have inspired many in the Federation to come to his cause, demanding his immediate reinstatement on Twitter.
At publishing time, just as Picard was released from Twitter jail he was suspended again for tweeting “All Species Matter”
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
