DEL RIO, TX—Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg announced that the supply chain crisis wreaking havoc on the nation’s economy has been resolved, and praised Biden’s brilliance and ingenuity in proposing the solution: Ask each migrant coming into the country to help carry a shipping container.
“Big, big shiny boats are flocking to the shores of Mexico,” said the cabinet member. “And all the choo-choo trains and beep-beep vroom-vrooms can't handle all the containers! Oh no! So let's just have the thousands and thousands of migrants carry them in! It’s a solution that can only be attributed to Biden’s progressive policies.”
One immigrant praised the opportunity to have a job before even entering the United States illegally. “It’s unbelievable that only a few weeks ago the White House sent my family a personal invitation, map, GPS, and detailed instructions on how to cross the border illegally, and here I am now, using my skills to carry shipping containers and boost the American economy for a modest $450,000 salary. Gracias Señor!”
Border Patrol agents trying to stop the illegal immigrants from bringing the vital shipments into the country were arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
