WASHINGTON, D.C.—Still reeling from their election losses, Democrats have vowed to adjust their strategy by calling people racist even harder.
"The real reason we didn't win these elections is because we weren't calling people racist hard enough," said Joy Ann Reid, Democrat activist/journalist. "We called voters racist on the hour, when we really should have been doing it every minute. And we should have been doing it with more anger and passion."
"I really think it was that we didn't try hard enough to look like insane deranged lunatics. We really need to lean into that more." Reid then screamed at the sky to demonstrate what her fellow Democrat activists should have been doing the whole time.
Terry McAuliffe acknowledged his failure to call people racist with enough frequency and fervor. "I tried my hardest to suggest that the people I wanted to vote for me were hopelessly racist and bigoted. I failed at that task. Next time, I'll just wear a T-shirt 24/7 that says 'you are a racist, dummy' so people will get the picture." McAuliffe went on to say that he also thinks not emphasizing his plan to steal children's minds from their parents enough was a missed opportunity.
At publishing time, the Lincon Project had vowed to dress more people up as Nazis to really sway the election in their favor.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
