Richmond, VA—After spending the week leading up to election day wielding tiki torches, chanting support of white supremacists, and condemning the election of a black, female Lieutenant Governor, Democrats began wondering if they might be on the wrong side of history.
“Come to think of it, standing here with confederate flags on our jackets and yelling about how electing a black state official is the worst thing for our state does sound, I dunno, racist I guess,” said one of Virginia’s Democrat leaders while staring ponderously into the flames of his tiki torch. “We may have to rethink our strategy.”
Another operative for the Democrat party seethed upon hearing news a Cuban-American had been elected Attorney General of Virginia, only to pause afterward and ask herself why she held such disdain for a minority candidate.
At publishing time, the Democrats were questioning whether their mass enrollment into the Ku Klux Klan might be sending the wrong message.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
