MARTHA’S VINEYARD, MA—With the price of everyday goods skyrocketing due to inflation, wealthy politicians across the nation are puzzled, wondering why poor people need gallons of both gas and milk.
Expressing the deep, nuanced thinking common among politicians, Nancy Pelosi queried, “Why do these poor people need gas and milk by the gallon? They don’t even come in gallons, for goodness sake. Gas is always in my car when my driver Roderick pulls it out of the seven-car garage, and milk is always available in crystal goblets when I open one of my magic refrigerators.”
Brilliant liberal thinker Chuck Schumer reminded Pelosi that not all poor people have magic refrigerators, and that a few may be so destitute as to not have drivers named Roderick. Ever the man of the people, the senator was not without helpful solutions.
“If you can't buy a gallon of gas for your car,” he proposed, “just call an Uber, problem solved. If you can’t afford a gallon of milk, just buy it by the quart, problem solved.”
CNN later reported that the liberal lawmakers are geniuses and poor people are stupid.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
