NEW YORK, NY—In a critically acclaimed episode on Sesame Street, Big Bird taught his young audience the important life lesson that all good puppets should happily receive the vaccination and whatever else Big Pharma wants to put in your body.
"All puppets like me comply with CDC and Pfizer guidelines," said Big Bird, as Elmo—who was dressed in a doctor outfit—injected something into his arm. "Like all the residents of Sesame Street, I am a hollow soulless shell made of fabric and fake feathers whose every word and action is controlled by another person! It's important for people like me to get the vaccine! Yay!"
CNN's medical expert Sanjay Gupta later confirmed that all of Sesame Street was given the Pfizer vaccine, with only Grover being sent to the hospital with myocarditis.
"This is a great result for our puppet friends," said Gupta. "Only one person contracted serious side-effects and everyone is now inoculated against a virus that posed zero threat to them, you know... because they're just puppets. Good job everybody!"
The video was soon interrupted by an angry mob of MAGA anti-vax muppets chanting phonetically correct anti-vax slogans and counting to four, as four was the number of the day. They were quickly rounded up by muppet policemen and sent to muppet jail.
Update: Grover is dead.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
