KENOSHA, WI—During his closing argument yesterday in the Rittenhouse trial, lead prosecutor Thomas Binger proved just how deadly an AR-15 can be by spraying bullets into the jury.
"AR-15's are big and scary, and to prove it, look at this!" he exclaimed to the horrified jury as he produced a scary-looking black rifle. "Don't let my adorable fauxhawk hairstyle and metrosexual glasses fool you, I know how to handle these deadly weapons!"
He then sprayed several rounds into the seated jurists, hitting 7 of them.
"Oops! Oh no! That wasn't supposed to happen!" said the startled prosecutor as he began to soil his trousers. "But that just goes to show you how deadly and dangerous these things are! Kyle Rittenhouse had absolutely no business carrying one! They just go off and kill people at random!"
Binger then glanced at his partner prosecutor and gave a thumbs up, having "totally nailed" the closing argument.
Sources say medics are now on site tending to the wounded jurists. Rittenhouse has offered to give the lead prosecutor some lessons on how to handle a firearm properly once the prosecutor finishes his own prison sentence.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
