U.S.—Beloved children's show Sesame Street has a problem: kids are enjoying the funny Muppets teaching them about letters and numbers without ever wondering what their racial identities are. Showrunners are going to be putting an end to that forever this season, though, as every Muppet will now wear a small index card on their forehead indicating their race.
The change will take effect right away, and every Muppet will always have to wear their new racial identity right on their forehead.
The Muppets, who previously didn't even have a race and just lived together in harmony without worrying about the racial identities of pieces of felt, are all being assigned a race and backstory. The move will help kids think about race all the time, rather than seeing everyone as a unique person.
"We hope this will help kids to see that race is the most important thing about a person," said Sesame Street writer Wallace Lemon. "We don't want kids to see Big Bird, Oscar, and Elmo; but rather, Jamaican, White guy, and Jew. Our goal is to rewire their brains so the first thing they think of when they meet a new friend in their neighborhood or at school is 'What race is that kid?'"
"This is the only way toward a brighter, more harmonious future, where the only thing we ever worry about is race. Well, and gender and pronouns and all that, of course."
Some parents have protested the move, saying that it's better when kids see this diverse group of characters just getting along despite their differences. These parents are currently being investigated as domestic terrorists by the FBI.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UKRAINE—As Russian troops assemble at Ukraine's border ahead of a possible land invasion, President Biden has taken swift action by deploying an elite seal team to evacuate his son Hunter's money.
"At my direction, military operatives infiltrated a bank to evacuate my son's stash of sweet, sweet Burisma cash before Russia murdered everyone. I didn't want to risk that money falling into the wrong hands," said Biden in a statement to congress. "Unfortunately, we haven't been able to evacuate Americans from the country because I put all our resources on this operation. But make no mistake, we will leave no dollar behind."
The four-man squad was dropped into ally territory by a Black Hawk helicopter outfitted for stealth missions. Once on the ground, they covertly asked for directions to the nearest bank and shared an Uber to make the 4-mile journey.
Bank security footage depicts the squad calmly entering the bank and asking for the manager. The squad then assembled in a tiny cubicle to ...
GALLIFREY—Reports indicate that just as the fallen Doctor was regenerating into a strong, powerful, diverse female, the 14th Doctor has instead taken the form of Doctor Jordan Peterson. What was certain to be the most stunning and brave—and not to mention the lowest-rated—season yet, has now been subverted entirely by the emergence of Doctor Peterson as the newest Time Lord.
“It’s like no—if you betray yourself, if you say untrue things, you weaken your character,” said Dr. Peterson when asked why he returned as a man. “For God sakes, you just can’t bloody well live with that kind of paradox in life, lying to yourself.”
Sources say the new Doctor wasted no time in setting his space and time traveling T.A.R.D.I.S in order, and visiting some of the worst parts and greatest villains from history. He first visited the Cybermen telling them if they actually wanted to call themselves men, then they could start by cleaning their own room.
“It isn’t obvious to me how ...
KIEV, UKRAINE—As Russian troops increased their threat to Ukraine’s sovereignty and independence, the Ukrainian military showed their tactical prowess by asking Kyle Rittenhouse to come and guard their border with Russia.
“Yo, Kyle, hope all is well. Hey listen, our citizens are under threat from Putin and his d-bag army,” texted Ukrainian Minister of Defense, Sergei Ukrainovich to America’s national hero, Kyle Rittenhouse. “Could u do us a solid and come guard our border? Bring ur AR-15 lol thx.”
While some praised the move as militarily brilliant as well as based, citing the fact that no military has the capacity to withstand the freedom-spewing courage of Mr. Rittenhouse, U.S. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin criticized the move, citing Kyle Rittenhouse’s status as a cis-white male, and reminding everyone that guarding Ukraine would require him to CROSS STATE LINES.
“President Biden is weighing the deployment of troops to Ukraine,” said Secretary Austin, ...
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