LOS ANGELES, CA—HBO Max has announced a new special reuniting the cast of the Harry Potter movies 20 years later so they can all join together for a ritual denunciation of Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling for her views that biological sex is real.
J.K. Rowling was not invited to the event as she did not agree to be physically beaten, but all the rest of the cast will be there and it is mandatory for all of them to join in the unpersoning of Rowling for her views.
“She’s a TERF, Harry!” Robbie Coltrane (who played Hagrid) shouts in a preview of the event.
“We reject Muggle concepts of biology,” says Emma Watson (Hermione) in another clip. “We have a much more magical view of gender, and anyone like Rowling who says otherwise should go to Azkaban.”
There should be some drama, though, as maybe some of the cast doesn’t denounce Rowling enough. “I’m not really sure she should be murdered for her views,” says Gary Oldman (Sirius Black) in another clip that was shared. The rest of the cast then shout, “Kill him!” and start to beat him with sticks. “Please! I’m but an old man!” he pleads.
The event is to end with a seance so that Richard Harris and Alan Rickman can denounce her as well or be cast into hell.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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