WASHINGTON, D.C.—Speaking at the end of a hallway in the White House after trying in vain to avoid the White House press corps, President Biden announced that he had been told he’s running for re-election in 2024.
“I’ve been informed that it is my intention to run for re-election in 2024,” said the president to a large potted plant instead of the crowd of journalists behind him. “As an exemplar of progressive ideals, it is my duty to lead this country to a better future, or so they tell me.”
When asked by intrepid reporters if he is concerned his poor approval ratings might hinder his chances at making it through the primaries, let alone the general election, Biden stopped chewing on the house plant’s leaves and told them he will let them know as soon as someone lets him know the answer to that question.
Dr. Jill Biden then jumped out from behind the half-eaten potted plant and informed the press corps there would be no more questions until her husband’s inauguration in January of 2025.
She then led her husband away by waving a Biden Treat™ in front of his face.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
