MENLO PARK, CA—With all his employees out of town to enjoy Thanksgiving with friends and loved ones, Mark Zuckerberg is taking the time to sit down with his virtual metaverse family and eat some virtual turkey.
"Our Metaverse technology has completely revolutionized the way we celebrate Thanksgiving," said Zuckerberg. "Instead of sitting down with real people, who are gross and smelly and unvaccinated and conservatives, we can simulate thanksgiving with a virtual family!" Zuckerberg then simulated passing the gravy to an NPC resembling his grandmother.
"Mmmmm! This turkey looks hot and delicious! Now, I simply press the button on my right controller to simulate eating it. Wow—now that's what I call a meaningful Thanksgiving experience!"
Zuckerberg's virtual Thanksgiving was cut short, however, when Russian trolls entered the virtual dining room and began virtually debating politics.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."