ATLANTA, GA—CNN has announced that they will bring back Chris Cuomo to host a new addition to their evening lineup of shows, titled To Shield a Predator.
“After news broke about Chris Cuomo using his sources to protect his predator brother Andrew, we thought we’d have to fire him and lose literally dozens of viewers,” said CNN producer Bob Scoop, “Then we realized Chris was the perfect host for a show about using positions of power to shield predators from justice by helping locate, influence, bribe, even threaten their accusers.”
The CNN anchor himself was excited about hosting To Shield A Predator, citing his vast experience sexually harassing coworkers, silencing opposing voices, and being a hypocritical blowhard.
“We’re already in contact with Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby, man—this is going to be such a great show,” said Chris Cuomo, adding wistfully, “I only wish Jeffrey Epstein were still alive.”
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
