ATLANTA, GA—CNN has announced that they will bring back Chris Cuomo to host a new addition to their evening lineup of shows, titled To Shield a Predator.
“After news broke about Chris Cuomo using his sources to protect his predator brother Andrew, we thought we’d have to fire him and lose literally dozens of viewers,” said CNN producer Bob Scoop, “Then we realized Chris was the perfect host for a show about using positions of power to shield predators from justice by helping locate, influence, bribe, even threaten their accusers.”
The CNN anchor himself was excited about hosting To Shield A Predator, citing his vast experience sexually harassing coworkers, silencing opposing voices, and being a hypocritical blowhard.
“We’re already in contact with Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby, man—this is going to be such a great show,” said Chris Cuomo, adding wistfully, “I only wish Jeffrey Epstein were still alive.”
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."