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Dad Finds Button To End FaceTime Call In Record 27 Seconds

ERIE, PA—According to sources, local dad Dale Jeffers has managed to end a FaceTime call, successfully finding the right button in a record 27 seconds.

"I love you kids, be safe, it's so nice to talk to you," said Jeffers to his daughter before adjusting the screen and looking at it through his reading glasses in search of the "hang-up" button. His kids were then treated to an underside view of Dad's neck and nostrils as he looked for the button.

Witnesses say he muttered a few four-letter words before finding the button and hanging up the call in a record 27 seconds, which is faster than any other dad on record.

His kids were later treated to an accidental FaceTime call from the inside of his jeans pocket.

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State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.

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https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025

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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

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https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

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Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

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