WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an epic clapback against Republican governor of Florida Ron DeSantis, President Joe Biden launched a nuclear missile attack against the state today. Dozens of missiles sailed through the air and landed all across Florida.
While some legal scholars have questioned the constitutionality of such an action, Biden waved off these concerns, saying he'll just do the unconstitutional nuking now and will let the courts strike it down later if they deem that's not allowed.
"Look, I'm gonna fire the missiles, and if the courts later say I shouldn't have done that, then my bad," Biden said. "That's what checks and balances are for. We just go out there and get, you know, um, stuff, th—the stuff done, and then the courts or whatever they're called go and strike them down if they need to. It's how the Founders wanted it."
According to sources, Governor DeSantis is having none of it. "Look buddy, I don't know who you think you are, but nuking my entire state is unconstitutional, ok?" he said as the sky above him flashed white. "And if you think I'm just gonna sit here and take it, you got another thing coming!" The audience clapped and cheered and shared epic vidoes on social media of DeSantis standing up to Biden.
The Supreme Court will hear arguments for and against the constitutionality of nuking Florida sometime next year.
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."