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Hillary Clinton To Teach MasterClass On Losing Elections

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Meet your instructor! MasterClass has announced its latest expert tutor, Hillary Clinton, who will teach a series of lectures about how to lose presidential elections.

"We are honored to welcome Hillary Clinton to our world-class lineup of instructors," said CEO David Rogier. "She is one of the world's foremost in losing so thoroughly and embarrassingly, having lost her presidential races every time she's tried. And now, you will learn how to lose your presidential runs every bit as catastrophically as she did!"

MasterClass has several more Hillary Clinton classes in the works, including:

How To Collude With The Russians
How To Murder Your Enemies
How To Protect Powerful Sex Predators In Service Of Your Political Ambitions
How To Chug An Entire Bottle Of Wine In 10 Seconds
Rogier hopes this will empower a new generation of young progressives to ruthlessly pursue power at all costs.

In related news, Donald Trump has announced the release of his very own MasterClass, entitled "How to Never Do Anything Wrong, Ever."

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

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The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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