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Anyway, it's totally time to freak out. Here's everything you need to know about Omicron:
It was originally to be called the "Xi Jinping Created COVID in a Lab" variant but was renamed so as not to offend China.
Omicron was ultimately named after its inventor, Bob Omicron, who works at the Wuhan Institute of Virology.
Everyone who gets Omicron has a 100% chance of dying someday at some point in the future. Not necessarily of COVID, but of something. It's a guarantee.
Omicron is also the name of Optimus Prime's rival in the Transformers spin-off Beast Wars. Omicron, activate!
Has killed far fewer people than Democrats' lockdown policies so far.
There has been far less panic around Omicron than the government was hoping for, so they're pushing up the release schedule of the Pi variant to early 2022.
Pfizer has said their vaccine works against Omicron. In other news, Apple has announced that the iPhone 13 may also provide some protection against the variant, if purchased new and at full price.
Omicron is far worse than other variants, unless you count deadliness, contagiousness, and severity of symptoms.
Dr. Fauci has teased a Fauci's cut of Omicron coming in the Spring for the hardcore fans.
Studies have found that people who are concerned about Omicron are 729% more likely to be scared little whiny babies.
There you have it. Aren't you glad you came to us for this important info?
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
GALLIFREY—Reports indicate that just as the fallen Doctor was regenerating into a strong, powerful, diverse female, the 14th Doctor has instead taken the form of Doctor Jordan Peterson. What was certain to be the most stunning and brave—and not to mention the lowest-rated—season yet, has now been subverted entirely by the emergence of Doctor Peterson as the newest Time Lord.
“It’s like no—if you betray yourself, if you say untrue things, you weaken your character,” said Dr. Peterson when asked why he returned as a man. “For God sakes, you just can’t bloody well live with that kind of paradox in life, lying to yourself.”
Sources say the new Doctor wasted no time in setting his space and time traveling T.A.R.D.I.S in order, and visiting some of the worst parts and greatest villains from history. He first visited the Cybermen telling them if they actually wanted to call themselves men, then they could start by cleaning their own room.
“It isn’t obvious to me how ...
UKRAINE—As Russian troops assemble at Ukraine's border ahead of a possible land invasion, President Biden has taken swift action by deploying an elite seal team to evacuate his son Hunter's money.
"At my direction, military operatives infiltrated a bank to evacuate my son's stash of sweet, sweet Burisma cash before Russia murdered everyone. I didn't want to risk that money falling into the wrong hands," said Biden in a statement to congress. "Unfortunately, we haven't been able to evacuate Americans from the country because I put all our resources on this operation. But make no mistake, we will leave no dollar behind."
The four-man squad was dropped into ally territory by a Black Hawk helicopter outfitted for stealth missions. Once on the ground, they covertly asked for directions to the nearest bank and shared an Uber to make the 4-mile journey.
Bank security footage depicts the squad calmly entering the bank and asking for the manager. The squad then assembled in a tiny cubicle to ...
TAMPA,FL—The NFL has implemented a controversial new rule for all games that go into overtime that is certain to change football forever. Now, instead of determining the winner by who scores the most in overtime, the referee will just play ‘Eenie Meenie Miny Moe’ to determine the winner.
“Eenie Meenie Miny Moe, one of these teams has got to go!” sang the referee as he pointed at each of the teams competing for their spot in the Super Bowl. “If they holler, that’s not fair, they forfeit right then and there!”
“In the past, we would give each team a chance at offense and defense to see which team was better, but now we’ll just sing this silly children’s song instead,” explained referee James Hitchums. “Makes it a lot easier for us refs and saves us from having to make those controversial calls.”
Sources say the referee finished his song while his finger was still pointing at the Buccaneers—immediately negating all of the team's hard work and eliminating them ...
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