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Study Finds Massive Spike In People Getting Shot By Alec Baldwin Under Biden Administration

NEW YORK, NY—A Columbia University study has revealed a troubling surge in Alec Baldwin-related shootings ever since Joe Biden was elected president.

"As you can clearly see here, there were zero people shot by Alec Baldwin—that we know of—before Biden's inauguration, and two people shot in the time since," said researcher Dr. Amos Tingleschnozz. That's an increase of infinity percent. You just can't ignore something like that."

Experts are baffled by the sharp increase and are looking into possible causes.

"The strongest correlation appears to be between Alec Baldwin shooting people and Joe Biden serving as the leader of America, Tingleschnozz continued. "We're not saying that Biden necessarily is to blame for these shootings, but we're not not saying that either."

A parallel study conducted at Princeton University produced different results, pointing instead to a strange correlation between Alec Baldwin shootings and Donald Trump being alive.

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

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The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

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February 19, 2025

Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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