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Rudolph Changes Name To Rolanda, Dominates Female Reindeer Games

NORTH POLE—Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer received praise for taking a stunning and brave stance against outdated binary gender stagnation by changing his name to Rolanda and subsequently dominating every field in the North Pole’s annual Female Reindeer Games.

“Rolanda is a shining beacon for young, female reindeer in more ways than one,” stated the president of the North Pole Reindeer Games Committee, Bob Chairman. “She has shattered records in every event she has entered, which says so much about the physical potential of all female reindeer.”

Rolanda The Red-Nosed Reindeer did indeed break records in all events of the Female Reindeer Games, including the Sleigh Pull, Flying, Landing, Oat Bag Toss, Gingerbread House Trampling, and the Giant Slalom.

She struggled with the final event, Female Reindeer Feminine Ice Dancing, performing far worse than all other female competitors. The judges still awarded her the gold medal for being so stunning and brave.

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

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Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

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https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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