U.S.—Americans opening their mailboxes were greeted with a wonderful holiday surprise, as the White House had mailed them Christmas cards with the heartwarming message, “You will get sick and die this winter.”
The Christmas cards are part of the Biden Administration’s recent uplifting Christmas messaging campaign, which kicked off when Biden announced with jovial flair, “We are looking at a winter of severe illness and death.”
The hope-filled greeting cards were packaged in a beautiful, glittering gift basket alongside a vaccine-filled syringe and a pack of abortion pills, all nestled in a bed of now-worthless shredded dollar bills.
Sadly, many Americans will never receive the President’s heartfelt message of grief and hopelessness, as the USPS lost most of them.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."