EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Fans were shocked at last weekend's Army-Navy game when during the 4th quarter, both teams mutually forfeited the game and left billions worth of equipment on the field.
"Wow, I've never seen anything like this before. And I didn't realize these teams even had billions of dollars worth of equipment," said sportscaster Gibbers McChumbley as he watched both teams walk off the field.
In the stands, Biden could be seen clapping and cheering for the forfeiting teams, although sources say he was only clapping and cheering because Jill Biden told him it was pudding time.
"It would seem that since these teams are funded by Pentagon defense contracts, they pay hundreds of millions per player for their pads and helmets, adding up to billions," said McChumbley. "Wow. Congress should do something about that!"
In a press conference later that day, Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin proudly announced that it was "the greatest football game ever played in history."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
