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New White House Dog Professionally Trained To Not Growl When Biden Touches A Child

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a video released by the Administration, President Biden showed off the newest, furry addition to the White House: an adorable German Shepherd puppy named Commander who has been professionally trained not to growl when Biden touches a child.

“It took weeks of intensive training to overcome the German Shepherd’s instinctive desire to protect vulnerable children, but we did it,” said professional pet trainer Bob Heirbouy, who demonstrated by grabbing a child-size doll and sniffing its hair aggressively in front of Commander, who simply tilted his head and looked on. “Commander will be a perfect fit in the Biden White House.”

The dog trainer added that his business is booming since training Biden’s dog to ignore any acts toward children ranging from general creepiness to outright abuse, stating he has received calls from celebrities, business executives, and elite politicians.

“I’m swamped,” said Mr. Heirbouy, “Right now I’m training a cat for the Biden family so it will seek out and pee on stray laptop hard drives.”

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
February 19, 2025

Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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