BOSTON, MA—After a nail-biting fifteen minutes, local man Rod Brown was blessed to discover that his COVID test came back positive for the Omicron variant—which is nothing more than a gentle case of the sniffles.
“I’m so relieved!” he cried to the heavens. “I was obsessing about that for a solid ten minutes! I’m just so thankful it’s not real COVID. This is just that fake, wimpy, harmless one I keep hearing about from Jim Acosta.”
With renewed vigor, he hugged his wife. According to sources, his wife wouldn’t let him anywhere near her while he had a runny nose, but once she found out it was just a lame, boring Omicron infection, she relaxed and took off the hazmat suit she’d been wearing for the last three days.
“I’m surprised you have any major symptoms at all,” she later confessed.
Rod’s primary doctor, Dr. Olivia Soliq, was eager to give the good news. “Since it’s just Omicron, he'll be given natural immunity with zero health risk! It’s a remarkable variant.”
At publishing time, Brown unfortunately found himself in the hospital with a broken hip after a police officer tackled him for trying to buy a doughnut without a vax card.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
As one of the few sane people in MA - THANK YOU - for that article about MA just now ie the entire state is declared incompetent! I sent you a one-time donation of $25 just for that. I tell them that all the time too. :)
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
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