WASHINGTON, D.C.—The nation’s capital grew even more festive as the White House unveiled its facade lit with a resplendent light display spelling out the touching message, “YOU WILL DIE.”
The holiday message of light and hope comes at a dark time for our nation, as millions of Americans have chosen to ignore scientifically rigorous government lobbyists and refused to get vaccinated against a virus with a 100% mortality rate.
“Our country needs a message of hope from its leadership during this dark, deadly, perilous, disastrous, corpse-strewn winter season,” said White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki, “That’s why the President chose this message, so all Americans can hold their heads high…unless they’re unvaccinated, in which case they will surely die.”
Biden has reportedly already tasked staffers to prepare a New Year’s Eve fireworks show that will fill the sky with the message, “ALL IS LOST.”
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
