We thought we were out of the woods, and that maybe we could enjoy the holidays, but we were wrong. Omicron is upon us, and it is the deadliest plague humanity has ever faced. You probably won't survive. And if you find yourself having any of these Omicron symptoms, you will definitely die. Sorry!
1) Heartburn: If you find yourself with heartburn after eating pizza or onion rings, you probably have Omicron. Been nice knowin' ya.
2) Sneezing: Omicron is a perfect killing machine designed to replicate itself by inducing sneezes in the host. Diabolical.
3) Your bones make that weird cracking sound when you get out of a chair: It's the end of the line for you.
4) Being left-handed: To be fair, is life even worth living if you're left-handed?
5) The sun looks bright when you stare directly at it: President Trump proved he was extremely healthy and Omicron-free when he stared at the sun for several minutes unfazed.
6) Mild soreness after vigorous exercise: Oh no! Also, please sanitize your workout equipment. You may be dead soon, but you don't have to take us with you.
7) Existential dread: Thankfully, this can be cured with a visit to church, a nap, or a burrito. Unless you die of Omicron first.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
