SILVER SPRING, MD—As part of an emergency response to the rise of Omicron, the FDA has approved the use of a brand new Pfizer drug "PfiQuil" to treat the deadly new variant.
"We are pleased that the FDA has approved our brand new drug PfiQuil, which is totally not the same as NyQuil," said a Pfizer spokesperson while spoonfeeding applesauce to Biden in the White House as two other Pfizer lobbyists massaged Biden's feet. "For starters, NyQuil starts with "N", while our drug starts with "P". It's also $37,000 per box."
Doctors are recommending PfiQuil for anyone with symptoms related to Omicron, such as headache, fever, runny nose, sneezing, and man-cold.
The Biden Administration has made clear that due to shortages, PfiQuil will only be offered to Omicron-infected Americans who have been triple-vaxxed. Anti-vaxxers will be forced to settle for NyQuil.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
