NEW YORK, NY—After photos emerged of AOC in South Florida enjoying brunch free of COVID restrictions and without wearing a mask, the congresswoman quickly clarified that she had actually been taken to Florida against her will by Governor Ron DeSantis.
"Ron DeSantis kidnapped me!" cried AOC to reporters. "He captured me and dragged me to Florida and held me hostage! And then he killed me. He killed me with Omicron. And now I am dead."
The media is now demanding answers from DeSantis. Additionally, the DOJ announced they will be sending resources to investigate the Florida governor for kidnapping and homicide.
"DeSantis is just another Republican who is creepily obsessed with AOC," said CNN anchor Brian Stelter between tearful sobs. "And he proved that by kidnapping and murdering her in cold blood. This is all Tucker Carlson's fault."
Further investigations found that AOC didn't actually die but was just knocked out from too many mimosas.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
