WASHINGTON, D.C.—The nation's capital was rocked this morning after a new report by Project Veritas revealed that Dr. Fauci, who is the living embodiment of SCIENCE itself, may have lied under oath about engineering deadly coronaviruses in a Wuhan lab.
"This is devastating," said Neil deGrasse Tyson, one of the venerable high-priests of SCIENCE. "I have never known SCIENCE to lie to me. It's always true, whether or not you believe in it. To think that Dr. Fauci—who is SCIENCE incarnated in flesh—could purger himself is very disturbing."
Some unbelieving critics have suggested that maybe Fauci isn't really SCIENCE itself, but instead a corrupt bureaucrat with human flaws and imperfections and a tendency to lie to protect himself. Officials from the NIH have condemned these critics as heretics who deserve to be condemned to eternal punishment by SCIENCE for all eternity.
"I am not lying. I have never lied, my dear children," Fauci said to an adoring crowd of screaming fans outside his Northwest Washington mansion. "I am merely testing your faith. Believe in me, and in SCIENCE who sent me."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
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Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
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Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
